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My friends and I had started doing a Sunday tradition of the hangover Brunch Bunch. What better way to recap the fun night before while noshing on a cheesy frittata? I showed up one Sunday looking especially awful (no makeup, hair up in a bun, wearing an old schemata) and sat at the bar for a bloody with my friends (my gay friend and my girl friend).

As we are reliving our crazy night before, in walks this guy who knows aforementioned gay friend. Let me state for the record that gay friend can be especially embarrassing at times. Next walks in the guy we will call Mr. Eat With His Hands. Gay friend tries to tell me how "cute" Mr. EWHH is and that I should totally go out with him! Oh, and BONUS, he's straight! (It's not always easy to find straight men in downtown Fort Lauderdale). The guy wasn't my type so I smile politely and depart the restaurant.

It just goes to show you, when you go out looking like shit, the men always want you! Stay with me here- Mr. EWHH called his uncle, who was friends with another guy who got to my friend to get my number. I figured, if the guy went through all this trouble to ask me out, I should give him a chance whether I was attracted to him or not.

Mr. EWHH calls me up and we decide on brunch at the same spot we originally met. We sit down and the guy has ZERO interpersonal skills. Every time I asked him a question, he would just stare at me awkwardly and answer a few seconds later.  Finally, here comes the waiter to break our awkward conversation. Along with other things, I suggest we order the delicious, scrumptious hash brown cakes. As soon as the food arrives before I even have my plate in front of me, Mr. EWHH dives in hand first (no utensils) and starts breaking apart the hash browns, dipping them in the sour cream accoutrement. I couldn't believe it. Had this guy grown up in a barn? At this point in my life, utensils on a date are a must.....unless we are eating pizza or french fries. It just wasn't going to work out.

Then......the bill comes. A big whopping, $30! The guy keeps staring at me, so I do the faux "can I give you some money?" thing. To my astonishment, he says, "yes, the bill is $30, so why don't you give me $15?" I happily give him $15 to rid myself of this guy out of my life forever. This was a guy who called to ask ME out and then asked me to pay half? I walked out of the restaurant never to see him again.

Lesson learned, never let a gay man set you up.