Dr. Doo Doo

This story is from a while ago, but one of the favorites amongst my friends in my repertoire....

I was commuting to Boca Raton everyday for work, leaving me the need to find a good place to get my weekly manicure on my lunch break. I went to a salon not too far from my office and met the Russian Jew manicurist. Also being a Russian (and Austrian) Jew we hit it off right away. Naturally, she asked if I was single and I replied yes. She told me she had a "nice Jewish doctah" in her building she wanted to fix me up with. She gave me her phone number and told me to call her for the set up.

Needless to say, I never called her for the set up; but that wasn't going to stop her from getting my phone number out of the computer from the salon and calling me!

"Why haven't you called?" "I have nice Jewish doctah waiting to meet you!!" she says. I half-heartedly agreed to the date.  I  should mention I really liked the way she did my nails and didn't want her to take out her disappointment on my cuticles.

I agree to meet the Jewish doctah for kosher Shabbat dinner at she and her 75 year old boyfriend's house that Friday night. I wasn't prepared for all this. As soon as I walked in, I immediately started downing the bottle of kosher wine I picked up on my way. And no, it wasn't Manischewitz.

He arrives and is sort of short and nerdy but I kept hearing my grandmother speak from the grave "You MUST marry a Jewish doctah or lawyah!" so I decide to keep an open mind. To my surprise (perhaps it was the kosher wine) he wasn't too bad. We end the drink with a night cap at his condo on the next floor and I head home.

The next day the doctah calls me (NOT TXTS! WOW, POINTS FOR HIM!!!) to tell me he had a really nice time meeting me and he would love to see me again. He then starts to tell me that today he had to take a "doody" and it smelled so awful from all the kosher food we ate last night. Um, WHAT???  I replied, "did you just say what I think you said?"  He said, "yes, why? We are friends." I promptly replied that we were not friends yet and that is disgusting. He immediately became known to my friends and I as "Dr. Doo Doo."

Being a glutton for punishment, I decided to let the comment slide and agreed to one more date. Although I couldn't get the "doody" comment out of my head, nor was I wasn't really feeling a connection or spark with the guy, I thought better to just let this one fall by the wayside. To my astonishment, he txted me a few days later to tell me he's needy, I work too many hours on the campaign trail and it wasn't going to work out.  I then told him I knew it wasn't going to work out when he talked about his SHIT after our first date, but thanks for informing me he's needy.

Ironically, I found out he's now engaged to his ex-girlfriend. I'm sorry but no Prada bag or house on the water is worth a man who blows up the bathroom and talks about it the next day.

Lesson learned, don't ever let your manicurist set you up.